if

Everyone's been working a lot - saturdays, sundays, independence days - wondering whether they get the satisfaction.. or may be it comes only when something is finished.. or when it's moving towards some line.. Osho says the pay alleviates the pointless - may be things would be brighter if there was a need. May be thats why people go about creating them.

cancelled tomorrow's class

Got the Most Stable Employee award today (a Shopper's Stop gift voucher) for doing the same thing for over a year. Dunno if it's a good or bad thing.. but the Mouse should be pleased.

Jackson Pollock

"If people would leave most of their stuff at home and just look at the paintings, I don't think they'd have any trouble enjoying them. It's like looking at a bed of flowers – you don't tear your hair out over what it means." (from the movie)

Also salary came in today and along with it the feeling that may be I can do this afterall.

yet another day

Working day. Others at lunch, me at Shravan (ekadashi today, ergo 11 days have already passed). Also thanks to the underground man, I think I even understand why.

a wise man leaves his feelings behind,
a kind man cannot but be kind..

(but that's work related, and the Others are getting back)

for little Rohit's art-book

written during my homeward train ride:

To Friendship

When I'm wearied, down, feeling low or sore
When I cannot see the light anymore
You knock unexpected at my door
And guide me safe to the shore.

And when I'm shiny, light, gay and high
(for happiness needs not a reason why)
You gift me wings, help me fly
Soar the heavens and touch the sky!

satday at work

Treat everything as an adventure, I overheard them say.
But it gets harder when you know they were right and you were wrong.

" So leave the ways that are making you be
what you really dont want to be.
Leave the ways that are making you love
what you really dont want to love." - Nick Drake

so that I remember

3rd june - solicited by gay fellow (already forgot his name). But it'll take more than one to get me cut my hair.

3rd july - got pushed & fell off the local train. Experienced Bombay's famous apathy and also the comfort of kneecaps!

11th july - another sad day for the city (ride with a totally deaf yet very talkative rickshaw driver).

so the financial papers win over page3!

to reality

Pune was surreal - if Time ever stood there, he'd be motionless. Utpal filing FIRs for stolen mobile phones. Nikhil's guitar and talk. Aniket on trekking. Mr Brownstone..

The Myth of Sisyphus

but, if they brought forth
one big simmering pot
to melt, blend or dissolve everything that we had got,
reforged all you were, and all I was not
would it be easier on us all?

The masses have their religion, so I chose my opium. But I was wrong - one must choose consciousness.

'The rock is still rolling.' - Albert Camus

Happy Birthday Shamik!

the dirt settles, the waters get clear
inebriety takes on new meanings, year after year
holding on to those who hold you dear
incapable of love, of laughter, mirth or tear.

the man from yesterday -

These words for you
I spoke to myself
After the phone call
Saying ‘couldn’t resist’

I want you by my side
Hold you through the night
So many lullabies to sing
To make you sleep like a queen

So many kisses to greet
The morning opening of your lips
Bathe you in them, awake
Make love to you at the daybreak

Then I’ll make some coffee
Those lashes will raise the lids
Drugged with the nights sleep
Your eyes will begin to see me

You will smile at the world
Brightening up my day
We’ll light up a ciggi together
And start talking in our smokey way.

- the other bojangles

2nd poem...

She's gone,
& now I stoop down,
& collect pieces of my broken conscience.
She's gone,
& now I smile,
& try to rekindle my void existence.

She's gone,
& now I stab
into dreams reeking of my past-tense.
She's gone,
& now I cower
knowing that I've lost my innocence.

She's gone,
& now I crawl,
brought down by my decadence.
She's gone,
& now I live
aware of my shattered resilience.

- Shamik

cold turkey - day two

Morning panic: Thought I'd left the last-guy office-keys at home, but I'd passed them on to Thakkar when I'd caught the rick.

office is colder. outside it's hot. the women's loo have a mirror. the gent's loo have not.

Edited my cell's phone-book last night, now all work colleagues have an 'aroo' to end their name.

and if that don't do, I'll try something new

Am feeling really bad about waking up after a two day weekend.. both guitars watching me, unplayed. Slumbered through Being Cyrus and a play called Love Letters. Very nice, the play..

Shattered a pretty glass candle-holder thing this morning. Was talking with Mousey while putting laptop in its case and the top flap hit.. am horrible.

So to the newest change! (atleast until the King's next visit)